"Can I touch your hair?" Explaining microaggressions this International Women’s Day.
Here at Yorkshire Building Society, we’re always moving towards a more equitable, empowering workplace.
Because we want every colleague to come into work knowing they’ll be welcomed, supported, and able to reach their full potential.
That journey happens year-round. But this International Women’s Day we’re focused on understanding intersectionality and the role it plays in shaping a workplace that uplifts every woman, and everyone.
So with the UN’s theme this year ‘For ALL Women and Girls: Rights, Equality, Empowerment’, our Women’s Network and Ethnicity Network co-hosted a panel session all about understanding microaggressions.
"Can I touch your hair?" Microaggressions explained
A session all about sharing authentic experiences, our panelists from the Women’s Network and Ethnicity Network started by talking us through microaggressions. Discussing the different kinds, what they mean, and what they can look and sound like, we learned about…
Microassault – “Your hair is unprofessional”
A deliberate or overt act that causes hurt and discrimination.
Microinsult – “How did you get into this school?”
A verbal or nonverbal communication that subtly insults or demeans.
Microinvalidation – “You’re so articulate!”
Communications that exclude, negate, or nullify thoughts or experiences.
Most of the time, microaggressions actually come from well-intentioned people who are unaware of their biases or how the world they’ve grown up in has influenced their thinking. But whether it’s a microassault, microinsult, or microinvalidation, the effect is the same – exclusion.
Women are interrupted or spoken over in work meetings 50% of the time
Experiencing a microaggression can have an untold impact on someone’s life. That’s why we’re so grateful to our panelists for choosing to share their stories with us.
From seemingly innocuous questions like ‘Oh, so you celebrate Christmas?’ to having physical boundaries crossed, what followed was a moving discussion about the panelists’ different experiences.
- Being labelled as ‘aggressive’ for being outspoken.
- People assuming you’re not the manager because you’re a woman.
- Others taking credit for your work.
- Being treated differently because of what you’re wearing.
- Earning less than those in the same position.
People make assumptions so easily, often without realising it. And it makes that person feel singled out as being different, like they’re an outsider. Some learn to self-filter, questioning if they can share these stories with others and how they’ll be perceived if they speak up. They might close themselves off, keep more and more things private and even isolate themselves.
Experiences that make you feel different or even less, make you feel alone.
Whether it’s a person reaching out to touch their hair, someone being surprised by their Yorkshire accent, or being spoken over in a meeting, any microaggression can lead to lasting changes to how they act, the things they share, the choices they make – their life, and their career.
So, what can we do about it?
Calling out, and calling in
From feeling uncomfortable or even unsafe to worrying about it hurting their career, there are a lot of reasons anyone experiencing a microaggression may choose not to address the behaviour. That’s why it’s incredibly important to understand what we can do as allies.
So, our panelists shared the things that have made the most difference to them. And the support that helped change their lives.
We heard about leaders who set the tone for inclusive meetings, who always brought the discussion back to female colleagues after they’d been spoken over, and stepped in to say who really did the work. Colleagues who would show up when they witnessed a microaggression or check in after.
People who didn’t just call out behaviours, but ‘called them in’.
What’s ‘calling in’?
We often hear of the importance of calling out behaviours, but what ‘calling in’ builds on is making it a positive learning experience. It’s about setting expectations of what’s acceptable and what isn’t and encouraging a positive shift in behaviors.
It’s not just about calling out a negative behavior from someone who might have done it unintentionally, it’s about calling them in to a constructive conversation about that behavior. Why it’s not acceptable, what it means, and how we can change.
Managers, colleagues, teams. The people who continuously show up and show those who experience microaggressions that they see and understand them are priceless.
So they know it’s not just in their head. It’s real, it happened, and it shouldn’t have. But they’re not alone. Not just in the workplace, but in the fight for a workplace and world where that never happens again.
It’s not just on them to call out microaggressions. It’s on all of us to listen, understand, show up.
That’s what it means to be an ally.
“If we want to be true allies to women, we really need to appreciate the experience of all women, so that we don’t leave anybody behind as we progress”
Ellie O’Malley (she/her) Co-Chair of the Proud Network
There are so many different ways to be a woman. While our experiences overlap, especially when it comes to navigating the workplace as a woman, women with other underrepresented characteristics often face specific challenges others may never experience.
That’s why it’s so important we understand intersectionality, become better allies, and shape a more inclusive workplace. Because no one should feel like they have to stay quiet to reach their full career potential.
We’re incredibly proud that Yorkshire Building Society and our Networks are safe spaces where our colleagues can share these stories and feel comfortable speaking about these behaviours.
A huge thank you to our speakers. We know it can be an uncomfortable topic, and even something you feel encouraged to keep private, but by sharing these stories, we all learn more. And do better.
Every story shared is a step towards a truly equitable, truly inclusive workplace.
